Discourse Part II

After a number of days I'm still struggling to figure out the content of a conversation that I had. This is not because I can't recall it, but rather the topics were so fraught with intriguing questions, that any answers I could've offered just seemed trivial.

We sauntered up to an empty venue. Some guy said something like, "I wish I would've remembered to promote this show" as we entered. Sure enough, as my eyes adjusted to the dimly lit bar my concerns were affirmed. But as hindsight would have it, if the hundreds of clamoring LoDo-ites hadn't dismissed Larminer Lounge that night, Chris and I would've been deprived of a very enlightening evening.

For about five or six years I'd call him one of my best friends. Not only on levels of relatability but also because I very much respect his integrity. On quite a few different levels, we reciprocate interests, but the true testiment to any friendship seems to be in dissonance. Of course there are rarely disagreements but introspectiveness occurs mostly at, vulnerable times, we both agree, and requires a self-reflecting mentality.

A sequence of events earlier in the evening paved the way for another double whiskey, and Chris took a cautious measure as any driver should. The band was comprised of four or five smiling folks but as endearing a they were, their sound reverberated off the empty room only to be absorbed by a few adoring fans. After standing through their set, we took a seat near the wall and begun talking.

My disaccord towards the number of issues that I feel are weighing me down, prompted a degree of self-awareness that I hoping will stimulated a more proactive lifestyle. This is more or less what I recall from the conversation.

I think the most pressing of matters dealt with the philosophy. It was predominately centered around the notion the we have no means to define ourselves or understand human choice other than simply an assertion of our own will. Action determines reaction. A pretty simply worded inquiry, but so complex a four hour conversation about it didn't even scratch the surface. Though we agreed this notion is more or less intuitive, our basis for this perplexing introversion dealt with an instability of ambitions; in his work and in my schoolwork.

Perhaps my rejection of homogenized western religion conditioned me to think that if my self-awareness is properly enlightened/educated/cultivated, then I can see the common good as my own-self interest. Taking into account that likewise, this country and the "common good" is essentially Christian, I strongly believe that our moral code is defined not from our religion, but an innate quality of humanity. Here is where I mention that the warm fuzzy image of a white male savior just seems far too contrived to be a Way of Life. Disregarding other angles of philosophy and dogmas renders a shortsighted worldy view. So at this pivotal point in our lives, we realized we all certainly should read more of the Koran, Rigveda of Hinduism, Christian scriptures, Kitab-i-Aqdas, Bon Kangyur and Tengyur, or any other holy book to gain a contextual knowledge of how foreign cultures operate. We should travel to submerge ourselves in hopes of understanding the aestheticism behind the art, written word, architecture, and conventions. Or to understand that the gentility is primarily conditional upon a certain definition of normal.

We weaved in and out of intricate discourse that I feel profoundly affected my overall well-being. I realized that the upshot is simply to examine a worldly perspective, devoid of the mundayne everyday concerns. Though my classes this semester may not be adequately challenging my desire to read and write, merit can absolutely be derived. Though my demeanor in Lawrence is a far cry from a state of elation, still, the fate of my own well-being is entirely contingent upon my perspective, attitude, and self-fulfilled prophecy.

Esse Quam Verdi - To be, rather than to appear.


Cognito Ergo Sum...whatever I already am or want to be.

...more to come.